In reference to the
common sense bit, is it okay if I told you that common sense is not that
common? I do not mean this in a bad way. In fact, I had also made silly
mistakes in the past which made me question where my common sense was.
So in the light of such events, I have made it a point to duty to update
my common sense database by being more inquisitive about life, love,
and relationships.
Let me add a
disclaimer here that if you do not think about or desire marriage/family
life, this article is not for you. However, if you are at that place in
life where you require ‘common sense’ to make heavy decisions like
marriage then we can be curious together.
My current read is a book titled ‘Things I wish I’d Known Before We Got
Married’ by Gary Chapman which is a book that gets you thinking about
different hypothetical situations that could arise in a marriage. While
there are no hard and fast rules to this thing, I believe reading
expands your mind and helps you define your values in a clearer form.
The book was quite interesting till I got a reality check from chapter 7
which says ‘I Wish I Had Known That TOILETS are not Self-Cleaning. He
stated in the book that most couples do not think about the ‘toilet
issue’ until they get married. I can understand. It has never crossed my
mind too.
You see, the issue of
marital gender roles must be thought out carefully and I believe this is
one of the major factors that can make or break a household. Let me
also emphasise that whatever you are accustomed to whilst growing up
becomes your personal truth. I started to think about this whole ‘toilet
business’ and I thought about what works in my household which is
shared responsibility between my mum, I, and my siblings. My mother is
very traditional, and she has made it a point of duty that we follow her
steps. I am cool with washing toilets I said to myself… my inner
goddess laughed and shook her head in pity. Ok, I will stop deceiving
myself. I can clean the toilets but I also shudder at the thoughts of
doing every single house chore myself including the toilets. Please
married people in the house, how do these things work sef? Please don’t
tell me about house helps because some of us outside Nigeria do not have
that kind of luxury.
If we are all
being truthful, cleaning toilets is one of those house chores that
nobody really fancies. Personally, I have a passion for cleaning but I
would love to carry on the ‘shared responsibility’ when it comes to
toilet cleaning. But how does one break the ice on this issue? Can you
say something like ‘baby I would like you to assist me in cleaning the
toilets’ without feeling guilty or feeling like you are demanding too
much? What about those men that naturally think it is a woman’s duty to
clean the toilets and bath tubs? Or those ones that think cleaning the
toilets and bath tubs is beneath them? I remember the day I overheard a
conversation between two Nigerian ‘uncles’ on gender roles, they stated
that the best way to get a man to help you around the house is to say
nothing about it. My Campus Camerazzi people, is that true? What if bobo starts
thinking he married a superwoman and offers no assistance? *wails
endlessly*
This is one of those
issues that you have to tactfully navigate because if your husband says
he is not cleaning the toilets, you will not pack your things and leave.
Biko, clean the toilets yourself for peace and hygiene sake. But on the
other hand, no woman desires to do house chores alone especially
without a house help or a cleaner (she can be silent but she will lowkey resent you).
It is a sign of humility to help your wife around the house especially
in doing uncommon chores like ‘bath and toilet cleaning’ and even
changing the baby’s diapers. That is the highest form of humility. Just
for fun… single people, let me know if you have thought about toilet
cleaning and what your opinions are. Married people let us know what
works for you.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang
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